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I am taking a class called THe Meaning of Death. I'm looking forward to the class but I know that it will be a struggle for me. Our first assignment was to write a "deathography" in which we describled a few experiences which have shaped the way we thinnk of death. I'm sharing this paper with you all because it's all I know how to do. This is the first time I've written about Kara's death and until now I have been too scared to share on this page. Her birthday came on March 20th, my family got together and we celebrated as we have for the past 23 years, except she wasn’t there with us to celebrate her 24th birthday. She won’t be there to celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas. My birthday came and went and I didn’t get a card or a phone call. I can’t call her; I can’t hug her, and can’t talk to her. Kara died on January 15 of this year. On her way to the airport to catch her flight home from South Africa, Kara got out of the car and was hit and killed instantly. Her death has been on my mind everyday since then and when I think of death I think of nothing but my big sister Kara. She was taken away from us and can never be returned until we go to meet her in heaven. I have experienced a sudden death, which takes someone’s life when they have not finished living it. It’s not fair and it hurts. Death scares me and it makes me so angry. Kara and I had plans together. She was going to be my maid of honor in my wedding, our kids were supposed to grow up together, I’m supposed to be able to call her when I need to talk about a problem or tell her something exciting that happened today. Nothing exciting happens anymore, I have no one to call to share my life with. I don’t have a big sister to grow old with. My kids will never be able to celebrate Christmas with their Aunt Kara. In an instant my life was changed by my sister’s death and it will never be the same. For me, death is an unwanted closure- something which we have no choice and no control over. I see it as an ending of relationships. For the person who has died, they are gone, and in my sister’s case, cut short of life. For the people who have lost someone they love, they are left to live their life on earth without their loved one. My family of six will never physically be complete again and through this change in my family- death angers me. I question God and why this had to happen to my family and me. Why take the life of such an amazing person like Kara away? There is no answer; we can never know exactly what death brings. I hope and pray that death has brought my sister into eternal happiness and peace. That she is watching down on her family and friends in happiness, awaiting our arrival. There is comfort in death and the eternal peace with God that it should bring. I have been taught for many years that heaven is an amazing place and it is something we look forward too. Keeping that in mind I try to look at my sister’s death with calmness and comfort in knowing that she is with God. It’s tough though; I look more with a sense of frustration and sadness that she is gone. In a selfish way, I’m upset because my life did not go as planned- death disturbed my lifestyle, which I had liked just fine the way it was. Prior to my sister’s death I had experienced a few other deaths: the death of my grandfather, and a couple family friends. My grandfather’s died about five years ago when he was 86. He had lived a long, full life and died of Alzheimer’s disease. His death was sad but it was something I understood as it is a part of life. I know a few friends of our family’s and people in my high school who have died from various things such as cancer and car accidents. Their deaths had left me confused and saddened that their lives had been cut short however they never affected me in such a strong way. My sister’s death has left me with a broken heart and a feeling of sadness that I don’t think will ever leave me. I am confident though that she lived a full life in a short 23 years and that she is at peace in heaven now. Her death has shed a new light on my life in that I am conscious of how precious life is. It can be taken from you at any moment. I know that I must live each day to the fullest with no regrets, as this is my one chance here on earth. There is a quote that I heard once that is really powerful, you never know when you might die and what you wished you had done. “If you were going to die today, who would you call, what would you say, and why are you waiting?” I can’t live my life in fear of death and I won’t let death consume me. Yet I am aware that I could die today or in another 80 years and until that day I must cherish life and the moments I share with people. I shall pass through this world but once, Any good I can do, or kindness I can show, Let me do it now, For I shall not pass this way again. I love you Kara and I miss you everyday. Love your sister forever, Emmer
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