| |
Due to Madeline waking up at an ungodly hour, I was watching the Early Show on New Year's Eve. I hate the Early Show, because, much like Kara, I would rather be in bed and wake up to Regis at 10am. What caught my attention was a segment on the ball that drops to midnight in Times Square. Apparently the ball is made up of 50+ Waterford crystal pieces that are hand crafted with a new design on them every year. The unique design for 2005 is a pinwheel. I went from being bitter that my daughter had woken me up so early, to feeling surrounded by Kara's presence. It was like the unseen power of the wind was one more gentle reminder that forces are at work more than we realize. Clearly 2005 being the "year of the pinwheel" could be a simple coincedence with a symbol I have chosen to represent Kara's presence. I choose to believe it is more than that. To me faith is the act of choosing to believe. Do I know this is true? Absolutely not. But I choose to believe in 2005 as a year of healing, of growth, of marriage, of new life. I would challenge anyone who met Madeline in our family who did not believe she was meant to be a Hood. Her stubborn qualities, her passion, her laughter, all remind me of Kara. Just tonight I went from being at my limit with Madeline, to spending the next two hours with a child in bliss, even though she didn't go to sleep until 11pm. I am happy to say that my last few years with Kara were mostly bliss. Given our age difference and my immaturity, I largely thought of Kara as a big pain in my ass during her early years, and sometimes rightly so. It was really only in her later years that I connected with Kara on a deeper level. That I why I appreciate the stories qoo of you have shared of Kara from different perspectives. They are glimpses of Kara that I never really knew, but can still relate to. Is it really possible that Kara has been gone from this world for four years? Has it been that long since I have heard her playful voice teasing me, or seen her smile? A part of me refuses to believe this is true. Kara was too vibrant for me to accept this: too alive to believe that her death was the end. It is purely a matter of faith, but I believe that 2005 will be a year of hope for us all. It is the "year of the pinwheel", the year of Kara's spirit present for all of us.
|
